parents

I forgave them for opening wounds, handing me with zero care and affection and for giving me an aftermath, diagnosis. But I condemned them in my head: by growing up, graduating college, moving out and never speaking a word to them again. Maybe that will show them not to mess up a child.

He was tall, broad but in a bigger way, charming and persuasive, angry, alcoholic, and mad. She on the other hand was an outcast, delicate, skinny, brittle, persistent, and had too many friends(never made sense to me). I’ve never trusted someone with that many friends. They were 7 years apart & argued regularly, to the extent that it became the new normal.

They never agreed on anything other than the idea that I was a crazy lunatic who wanted attention and never once received it. So she escaped into her bedroom and never came out. They have both called me every negative descriptive word under the umbrella/table.

Maybe just maybe in another universe: I had loving parents who could regulate their emotions, angry tendencies and behaviors. Maybe in another universe I wasn’t told that I was wished to be never born, and that I was a failure who never succeeds. Maybe I would never have hid in the bathroom crying while my father tried to kick and bang the door down/open a million times over again.

They quite literally took everything from me and they would never admit it.