canufeelit?

I fear for my safety, my sanity and the care and wellbeing of myself, physically and mentally. I fear I may never be normal again, that this heavy weighted diagnosis will be the end of my story, I’m no stranger to depression and anxiety, but this has taken ahold of me and won’t let me breathe a single breath. It’s a humming sound inside my head and it gets louder every second, the volume knob is being turned up. And all I have to show for it is that I’ve been hospitalized and a few scars on my thighs. I wish I could show someone, anyone what I’m going through in pique condition and in simple termed details, but my brain refuses to let me. I fear I can’t come back from this, that this diagnosis of depression is too heavy of a burden for myself to carry; especially in this lifetime. I’m not scared any more of people knowing about it, because it’s apart of me now or maybe it always has been. And judgement is sure to follow me everywhere I run to, but fuck it. I am more me than I’ve ever been and if that means I will be persecuted, uneducated, unemployed, unfriended, then I guess I am just going to have to deal with that.